Once upon a time…
…I started to realize how much your environment matters. And how the company you keep impacts your personal growth. For me, three incidents reinforce these two universal facts.
The Councillor & a supporter
First, and most recently, I was standing at the back of the Terry Symonds Room at the North Branch Public Library in Halifax listening to a 5-person panel speak as part of a Black History Month event. Guided on by moderator Portia Clark, the panelists spoke beautifully about how & why they have achieved and some of the people who positively influenced the arcs of their lives. It was across-the-board fascinating stuff, but the speaker whose words struck me hardest belonged to a young man who has become an old friend: Lindell Smith.
The city Councillor spoke about being young(er) and having a summer internship at a downtown law firm. Every morning he’d put on a suit and walk from the Uniacke Square area of town to the office. Then, at lunchtime, he’d come all the way home to quickly eat something before humping it back downtown. After a few days of this a guy standing on the corner in his neighbourhood — a well-known and well-liked criminal — stopped Lindell and asked why he was all dressed up (Lindell explained about the internship). The man then asked Lindell why he was walking back and forth at lunch-time. After Lindell explained that he didn’t have the money to eat downtown, the dude-on-the-corner slapped a wad of cash into Lindell’s hand and told him to stay downtown at lunchtime. “Keep doin’ what you’re doin’, and don’t come back here until you have to.” Lindell greatly appreciated the help from a guy who, although he was earning his cash illegally, was also looking out for a young-blood. The supporter knew the value of Lindell staying close to the law firm at lunchtime and making useful connections.
My first encounter with Lindell came at a Dartmouth drop-in centre for kids. Lindell, by then a graduate of NSCC and a successful music producer, helped me — a director of the centre — set up a recording studio on the upper floor. The rec centre was meant to be a high-end space where kids from the low-end of the economic spectrum found a cool, well tricked-out spot to connect & create. It was a great idea, and it worked. But truth be told, I wouldn’t have been able to make that great space for kids without the help of my dear friend.
Here’s the flip side of that shiny friendship coin:
Last week, I heard of a 16-year-old boy who, while seated in a friend’s basement, watched as the other five guys in the room (long-time pals) traded messages on their phones regarding a plan for partying that night. They excluded the guy who thought was one of the pack and, in the process, crushed the boy’s spirit. He left the basement wondering who his ‘real’ friends are. (Great question. Answer: Not those guys.) The fact that this snub occurred in a once-safe space added to the sense of betrayal, and the anger that ensued.
All to say, environment matter. And so too does your ‘support network’. Research shows that achievement is as much about nurture as it is nature. That, plus having access to that help where and when it’s needed!
Take the storybook case of Cinderella. The gal lived in a castle. And she had a ton of ‘grit’ in her soul. But as Dr. Michael Ungar of Dalhousie has pointed out in his research on resilience, the cinders-sweeper with the sweet disposition and nasty sisters only found a prince after her fairy godmother happened on the scene — and provided a little magic.
The End.
-DN